just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
