I wanna bring you to show and tell
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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