The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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