you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
