i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
