Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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