You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
