The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
