Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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