like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
