Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She even gives head with a lisp.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
And then he peed in my hair
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