We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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