if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
do herpes really smell.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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