She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
