so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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