i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Randomize
