Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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