If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
