this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
