I bet he comes in French.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
