How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
