There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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