Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
well you can't waste a boner
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
