It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
