A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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