So drunk its hurt
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The feeling are messing with the penis
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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