now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
