Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
