I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
