I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
