For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
