If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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