My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
