How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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