About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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