We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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