i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
