He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
