I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
