your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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