ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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