What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
