Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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