So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
