ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
