It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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