Do you still have your period?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I supernannyed him into submission
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
