Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
