yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
