Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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