alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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