nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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