so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
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