Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
