hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think people are normalizing furries
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
