K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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